Time heals all wounds.. so they say.
In my opinion that's tragically untrue.
7 years ago my best friend in the whole world had many wounds. Hidden, unreachable wounds.
He didn't let people in on the sadness that he felt. He kept it tucked way down deep where nobody could see.
He was always happy, charismatic, fun and loving. Everyone else's problems and he was the first to try and solve them.
Times that I would be confused and out of sorts, or doing something I really shouldn't, he would never hide his concern or disapproval. He was the first one to honestly open up and say "Emily, you're being stupid." "For once just see what I see."
He loved with his whole heart and nothing but. There was nobody he wasn't genuine with. If he said loved you he loved you, if he didn't like you... well.. you knew it.
I could always count on real with him.
I could always just count on him.
7 years ago he hit a low.
He didn't feel as though he had anyone he could count on to take away the pain and sadness. But the reason is.. we never knew.
So many people in this world would have given everything they had to make him happy... he just didn't seem to know that...
I have a lot of favorite memories with this incredible man but one of my favorites that I think of often is this...
I was 18 and he was 19. It was March. We were standing outside leaning on a power box talking and he was mad at me about a bad choice I was making... it started to rain... I don't know if we were unique or if there are many more people like this but we just stood out in it. I was frustrated feeling that he wasn't understanding me...
Suddenly after feeling like we were standing there forever the rain began to clear and he took my hand and led me across the parking lot through the trees.. he helped me climb up this mountain of dirt. We sat there in silence taking in the view as the sun began to set when he took a breath and looked at me.
"I don't get it... look out there.. do you see that? That's what I see in you. Beauty. Why are you the only one who can't see it?"
I couldn't be mad after that. There was the real Brian. There was the Brian I could always count on to show me every little piece of myself that I didn't know existed.
He in such a large way shaped my heart to what it is today.
What I wouldn't give to sit on a dirt pile with him and watch that sunset again today. If I could go back I would have stayed longer.
I miss you as always, but more today than yesterday...
7 years is a long time... did you know we would all hurt? 7 years later?
We do.
I don't take my time with you for granted. I am thankful for every moment of it.
I Miss you Crazy. Like crazy.
I'll love you forever.
