A letter to 16 year old me...

Girl,
I have to sit here and write this down. All of the things, I really need you to know.
I see you feeling insecure and self conscious I see you doing things out of your character. I know you want them to like you but if they don't like the bubbly, off set, weird girl that I know, then they're not worth knowing.
If they don't love the fact that you are endlessly naive, sickeningly sweet and that you dance at the most ridiculous times then they aren't worth loving in the first place.
If you have to pretend to be someone you aren't to get those people to like you, then the ones out there who are just like you will never find you...
I know you feel like you really need that boy to like you. But what you need is to just slow down. You're only going to be this young once and one day you will miss it.
Sweetheart, your heart is going to get broken... actually a couple of times. Don't grab on to that wrong one and expect that you'll change him. He shouldn't want you to change, so don't expect it from him.
Just take your time...
Don't go and get yourself involved in the wrong things. It's not going to make things better, it's only going to make things worse. Later on I promise you will live with alot of regret.
Focus on your family and friendships, they are the only important things to focus on in your life right now.
Spend time with that best friend of yours. One day he won't be there. I know that you don't believe that now.. you're probably sitting there laughing at this. I know you feel inseparable but he's hurting more than he let's on.  I hate the day that hits you... you will never forget that day. It will live with you forever.
Don't put those babies down, soon enough they won't want to be held dear, those boys will tear the castle down :). Seriously don't try it get that child to walk to early... he'll just start running...
Don't ever hide your feelings girl, I know you feel so much.. long ago you found yourself and your people found you. They don't care if you are endlessly naive, sickeningly sweet or that you dance at the most ridiculous times... they don't care that you cry at sloppy movies, that you love uncontrollably,  or that sometimes you lose control. They will be there to scoop you up even when you don't realize you've fallen and they will hold you while you cry.
Your people love you for you. Take away everything else and that in itself is enough.

Bully stay away from me...

Depression is a very real problem in our society. It can be intimidating to people and change you day by day as the person going through it.
We have young children only 4 years older than my son taking the permanent leap to end the confusing feelings within them and to run from painful words spoken to them from people who simply do not understand.
Children live daily in a world where they feel anxiety the moment they wake up that they will not be good enough... that they will be picked on, walked away from and pushed around.
My boys are in school, pre-k and kindergarten. They are what is supposed to be a blissful age of curiosity and adventure. They are supposed to find friends in everyone. Because of course children unlike adults know no race, religion, gender or orientation.
This is the time of their lives for them to soar and be molded into the kind, confident and strong young citizens our world needs.
Unfortunately I have seen what the world does to our children... I am a mother of a victim of bullying...
Last year my oldest son was in pre-k and had never been more excited to start an adventure. His second day of school he told me as we pulled up in front of the school that I needed to stay in the car cause he wanted to walk in by himself.
My son was confident and proud. I cried. :)
The second week of school I witnessed bullying happening to some small children by the older children. I opened my mouth and was even bullied myself. Me a grown woman, a mother was bullied by a 5th grader who seemingly felt his sole purpose was to belittle those around him... that was a different feeling for me. I had a conversation with the principal and felt confident that I was the best mom ever and I stood up and took care of the situation and just like that my son was safe.
Fool me....
About a month later I get a call from my mother... my parents were keeping my boys overnight. When she called I thought it was a normal goodnight call I get from my kids every time they spend the night at my folks house. Boy was I wrong. My mom called me to discuss a conversation her and my 4 year old had just had. My 4 year old had opened up a expressed to his grandmother that there were boys on the playground that punched him every day at school. And every day he let them and never told a soul...
When she put my son on the phone and I asked him why he hadn't told me, he started crying... I told him he needed to tell his teacher any time someone put hands on him and to stay away from those boys. His reply broke my entire being into a million pieces...
"I'm sorry mommy... but I have to have somebody to play with. They won't play with me if I don't let them!"
Oh my heart.
This beautiful, sensitive, intelligent, loving little boy had lost his confidence. 
I hadn't noticed. 
I hadn't asked.
Being the mommy again that I am I went to the school demanded a meeting with the principal and made it clear to the receptionist my son would not be attending class until I got my meeting. 
I got my meeting.
I fixed it!
Or so I thought...
From that point on we had some difficulties at home. He had more temper tantrums, more anger,  more tears...
What was happening to my son?...
Then I got a horrible understanding one day as I arrived early to the school and the kids were still outside...
There was group of kids all playing together laughing.. running..
And then there was my son... all alone digging in the dirt...
"I'm sorry mommy... but I have to have somebody to play with!"
Those words... those sad, confused words...
My little boy had these kids at age 4 who either had to punch you to be included or you had to be all alone...
My little social butterfly.... with no ability to be social...
It's been a year, he's at a new school,  has friends,  but he still cries if he has a bruise on his face thinking kids will laugh at him... my child still worries everyday that someone won't like him...
We as a society are unintentionally failing our children....
Phrases being thrown around even in jest we are showing or children is ok to say because it's funny... I'm even to blame for that...
"Boys will be boys"
"Fight like a man"
"You idiot"
"Your retarded"
"You punk"
Verbal, emotional, physical... any type of bullying... hurts...
We have since talked about the importance of all of this. I have drilled that nobody touches him in a way that makes him hurt, or uncomfortable.  I have pushed that if anyone does he goes to an adult. I have also educated that we never want to hurt anyone the way he was hurt and that if we ever saw someone being treated badly we don't just stand there and turn away. We tell an adult.
As parents we need to instill in our children that it's not embarrassing to tell someone if someone is mean to you. That it doesn't make them a cry baby. It makes them human. Little humans who hurt...
Encourage your child to be one of the children who sticks up for those bullied. Child suicide has to stop and it's our turn to bring up children who change the world.