If you are going through hell...

“If you’re going through Hell, keep going.”

Winston Churchill had many inspiring things to say but in my mind this is one of the most profound.

It may be a matter of opinion, I know 😉 but I have many reasons for this opinion.

It has helped me through some dark times.

Some days are just hard.  If for no reason, or for every reason.

4 years ago Daniel got hurt.  Had to have complete reconstructive surgery done on his knee.  Was out of work for almost 6 months. Then he had to have another surgery on the same knee and was out for another 2 months. I was pregnant with our daughter at the time and had a 3 and 4 year old to take care of. I couldn't work due to a pregnancy related condition and honestly the world was a pretty dark place...

Then,  our daughter was born, I returned to work shortly after and Daniel did as well. But due to the previous years financial hardship, we then lost our home. 

Little did I understand at that moment,  on top of stress that was piling from every angle I also had post partum depression. This may have been obvious to some and yes, the signs were all there. But it wasnt recognized early on. After it all, I got a point where absolutely nothing was worth living for. 

I was ruining everything.
I made everybody miserable.
I was unworthy of the air I breathed.

Let's fast forward now...

I got help,  started some medications,  and recognized that regardless how I felt about myself that my kids were worthy of the air I breathed.  They were and are my daily drive to drive to be better. 


Slowly and surely it got better.  Just like everybody always says it will.  And I began to relax into life as I knew it.

Then a month ago Daniel suffered a severe back injury...

Sitting in the doctor's office when she said the word surgery, I'll be honest... I didn't hear much after that...

Immediate fear and trauma rose to the surface and in my head all I could hear was myself screaming, not again.. please.. not again, it was finally ok!

I voiced some of my concerns to him,  hoping not to offend him or cause him to feel guilt.  And to give him credit, he handled it with complete understanding.

But still... I was scared.

Here we are a month later... surgery lurking before us..
Hes handling it like a grain of salt tossed over his shoulder. No biggy. Get it done and let's move on.

Me? My obnoxiously optimistic self has it's own worst enemy... my anxiety.

I have been struggling badly with my depression. But thankfully I know the signs this time around, and am getting help.

And thankfully this time around I also know no matter what... it IS going to be ok.

I know my kids are worth the air I breathe.
I know I am worth the air I breathe...

Everyone has their own form of hell to walk through... key is to remember to just keep going.