I made you, but you made me a mom.

From the moment I knew of your existence I swear I could feel you.
I swear I knew you.
The moment I first heard your heartbeat my own jumped in my chest.

I joined groups.
Read any book I could get my hands on
I talked to family and friends.
I absorbed every ounce of advice I could gather from them.
As much as I thought I knew what I was doing.
I also knew I didnt.

I gave up coffee and tea.
Cigarettes and beer.
Took prenatals and folic acid
And I snacked on tums.

The day they looked at me and said you were ready to come to be honest, I couldn't breathe.
I was prepared.
I knew everything I could possibly know.
But at that moment I was scared...

What if you cried when I held you
Or I didn't swaddle very well.
What if I did something wrong
And you suffered for my ignorance.

I was about to be a mom.
My life was about to change.
A whole little beings life....
Depended on me.

The first time I heard you.
Tears filled my eyes.
It was a sound I never thought would bring me so much joy.
The first time I held you and your tiny hand held mine.
My own existence meant something so much more.

I swaddled you well.
You slept in my arms.

There are times you are frustrating.
That I want to clock out.
But then you ask me to hold you.
Or say mommy tuck me into bed.

My world changed the moment you came into this world.
Even from your moments inside of me.
And there's not a single part I would change.

I gave birth to you.
I gave you life.
But you gave me so much more.

You my darling son.
Gave me the most meaningful gift in my life.
You made me a mom.

*I love you my first born. Thank you*