Happy Valentine's day to my husband...

Happy Valentine's day my love.

I'm sorry it wasn't anything special, or exciting and I didn't plan anything for you.  I love you everyday of the year not just this one day. I swear I really do.

I know there are often times we don't feel much like husband and wife.  More like just a mom and dad falling victim to the chaos of parenting. I miss you every day, even when you're sitting beside me. I miss the conversations we would have full of spontaneous meaning. I know mostly all they are now is comparing schedules, doctors appointments, school meetings and bills to pay.

I know I sometimes forget to tell you when I notice the sweet little things you do. Like how you always get my favorite ice cream, not yours. Or that anytime we stop to get a drink you get Dr Pepper instead of Coke even though that's what you would want all because you know I don't like it. That's something special about you. And I do see that you do that. Everytime.

I see when you snuggle with one of our kids and watch a show you really hate, or stay up a little later when your exhausted just to play a game. I see that you let me vent about things you have no feelings about and when you let me ramble on about nothings just to let me talk.

I notice how you hold your tongue when I'm being irrational and immature and reacting how I shouldn't. I notice how you are patient when I'm not returning the favor.

I know you feel at times I don't see you there in front of me. I know sometimes I can make you feel like all I do is mother our kids and forget about you... I know that many times it appears that EXACTLY what I do.
But my love, I promise I DO see you.

I'm sorry that I do not more often show you or express how thankful I am for everything you do, or how much I appreciate you and love you. I'm sorry for losing it sometimes and getting frustrated. Sometimes you drive me crazy :) but I love you just the same. I'm sorry that many times I lose it on you it's not even your fault. It's typically mine and I'm sorry for being to stubborn to admit it most of the time. Every day I'm working to try and fix my flaws and admitting when I'm wrong..... ha the fact that I don't is my worse one of all. :)

Thank you for loving me even when I'm crazy. Thank you for standing beside me through these crazy times parenting our wonderful kids. Thank you for always being on my side. Thank you for always being there no matter what. I can't imagine doing any of this without you there by my side. My rock when I feel faulty, my breath when I can't breathe, my heart that keeps on beating.

And lastly...
I love you.
I love the you who even when your tired fixes what needs fixed, cleans what needs cleaned.
I love the you that loves me unconditionally when I lose it and scream when you did nothing wrong.
I love the you that teaches our boys how to play a new game, or ride a bike or kick a ball.
I love the you who loses yourself in our baby girls eyes.
I love the you that makes mistakes and reminds me we are all human.
I love the you that accepts that I am human too.

I love the you that I wake up every morning to and don't just love you. I choose to love you because I WANT to love you.

I love our life. Every happy, sad, angry and dirty little bit of it. There is no one in life other than you I would want to go through it with.

I don't fear that we won't make it. Because at the end of this crazy chaos when our kids are grown and gone, I believe we will look back and realize that every step of it brought us closed together and taught us more and more of what we needed to know. Someday we will look back at these frustrating moments and laugh at our reactions. Laugh at the silly fights and be thankful that each of us even when we felt distant held on so tight.

I love you more today that I did the day I first loved you. Not in that sloppy goofy teenage girl sort of way.
In that I'll love you till the end of time you are my heart sort of way.

Happy Valentine's day my husband. My heart.

I love you.

I made you, but you made me a mom.

From the moment I knew of your existence I swear I could feel you.
I swear I knew you.
The moment I first heard your heartbeat my own jumped in my chest.

I joined groups.
Read any book I could get my hands on
I talked to family and friends.
I absorbed every ounce of advice I could gather from them.
As much as I thought I knew what I was doing.
I also knew I didnt.

I gave up coffee and tea.
Cigarettes and beer.
Took prenatals and folic acid
And I snacked on tums.

The day they looked at me and said you were ready to come to be honest, I couldn't breathe.
I was prepared.
I knew everything I could possibly know.
But at that moment I was scared...

What if you cried when I held you
Or I didn't swaddle very well.
What if I did something wrong
And you suffered for my ignorance.

I was about to be a mom.
My life was about to change.
A whole little beings life....
Depended on me.

The first time I heard you.
Tears filled my eyes.
It was a sound I never thought would bring me so much joy.
The first time I held you and your tiny hand held mine.
My own existence meant something so much more.

I swaddled you well.
You slept in my arms.

There are times you are frustrating.
That I want to clock out.
But then you ask me to hold you.
Or say mommy tuck me into bed.

My world changed the moment you came into this world.
Even from your moments inside of me.
And there's not a single part I would change.

I gave birth to you.
I gave you life.
But you gave me so much more.

You my darling son.
Gave me the most meaningful gift in my life.
You made me a mom.

*I love you my first born. Thank you*

Mom, my boogers look like...

So today my kids and I had a pretty fabulous day. Full of fun laughter and music.

It was a day for the calender. :)

My oldest reminded me today how much he was like me and that I really am wrong when I say he gets his attitude from his dad. No it definitely comes from me.

But more today I realized how a child's brain works. So completely out of the box.

My son parker, (who has a mind and personality all his own) is all boy. He loves gross things, slimy things.  Worms, mud, bugs, creepy crawlies. God was definitely testing my abilities to be a boys mom when he gave me him. :)

He also gets the biggest kick out of bodily functions. He's the first one to yell I tooted, and crack up when we say it stinks. (As I said a personality all of his own)

Well we have been working on the no nose picking the last few weeks. Trying to encourage tissues and less....fingers... bleh.

Tonight while in the car, he was apparently picking his nose. And informed me in the front seat...

"Mom, my boogers look like Ramen noodles!"

Oh. My. Gosh. Can I say ew enough. Ha

After going through the speech of, "please don't pick your nose Parker and DEFINITELY don't eat it, it is NOT ramen" I had to laugh at the realization that I came to.

How do children see things?
How differently they can see objects and the world.

I always say my biggest fear in life is that Parker has zero fear of anything. He sees everything as exciting, as nothing to back away from.

My son sees no reason to fear the stranger he says hello to in walmart as he offers them a bite of his cookie. He is truly one in a million.

Tonight I realized that his brain works in ways I myself as his mother will most likely never understand. And that's ok.

He's all his own.

I was given the gift of getting to raise this amazing, spontaneous and fearless little boy.

There will be times I will probably have to hold my breath when he gets older when one of his fearless stunts takes my mommy breath away.

My children teach me things everyday and the amazing fact is that today... I learned from something as disgusting as boogers. :)

Picky eaters...

My 4 year old Kyden is an incredibly picky eater. And I mean an INCREDIBLY picky eater.
I more often than not hear "I hate that" before he's even tried it.

One thing the child will not eat no matter what is onions. So tonight I was experimenting with some pork ribs and sautéed them in an onion butter sauce. Delish. This was Kyden

K- "Mommy what is this."

(minor white lie)
Me- "it's butter baby."
* looks at it suspiciously*
K- "ok."

5 mins later

K-"mmmm mommy this is soooo good!"

Me- "I'm so glad you like it. I've got a secret for you."

K-"what?"

Me- "That's butter."

K- "yeah. I know." *smacking big bite*

Me- "And onions."

*stops chewing looks incredibly freaked out and literally spits it out*

(slightly annoyed)
Me- "now why did you just do that?"

K- "it's not so good anymore mommy. It was ok at first but the onions made me want to make bubbles." (what he calls throwing up)

Yeah right. Teaches me to tell the truth...😣

Enjoy! :)

No that's not a baby in my belly...

I remember hearing stories all around of women getting confused as being pregnant when they arent.
I also remember feeling humiliated for both parties.
But I could find shocked humor in the story because well... it wasn't me who said it or me who received it.

I couldn't imagine that it happened to often. I mean come on who gets mistaken for pregnant if they aren't? I've never really had it mistaken for me and I've never mistaken someone as being pregnant.

I had someone ask me if I was pregnant once when my oldest was 6 months old. I was offended. But two days later I found out I was. I shoved it off as they had a feeling haha.

As most mommas know when you grow a human inside of you its common to gain weight. To develop a pooch. And to never get rid of it.

After my daughter was born in October, I had grown a total of 3 humans inside me. Quite an accomplishment if you ask me ;)

Between 3 babies in 4 years and just the fact that I'm almost 30, my body doesn't bounce back like it used to.

Mid December I had my first ever moment of being questioned "is it a boy or a girl this time?"

I had my husband, both boys and my 2 month old daughter with me and sadly I think that was even more humiliating.

It was a sweet elderly lady who meant no harm and was sincerely wanted to spread congratulations.  But at that moment I didn't find her sweet, adorable and I certainly wasn't fining humor in it either.

It took my husband reassuring me over and over and me being extremely self insecure for a couple weeks.

I have grown three humans.  I have the body that some may look at and find less than perfect.  But I brought 3 perfect creations into this world and for that I see myself as beautiful.

But note to all.  Never assume a woman is pregnant don't even mention it unless she is obviously about to pop or has told you herself that she is.  ;)

Boys are superheroes mommy

I came across a Facebook post from a year ago of my oldest boy who was 3 at the time showing his brilliant personality and thought I'd share! :)

On the way to aunt bees tonight while on the highway the boys see a cement truck...

"mommy a robot!" They scream together.

"wow you're right! So cool!" - Me

Kyden then goes on to explain about robots.

"they have band aids in their doors and they save people and put out fires and and fix cars..."

"so robots are kinda like super heroes then?" - Me

"yeah mommy! Like me and brother and daddy! But you're not a super hero mommy..."

Ouch right? Haha
Wait for it...

"hey I'm kind of a super hero! I'm super mommy!" - Me

"no mom you CAN'T be a super hero you're just a girl. Super heroes are boys like me, parker, daddy and Opa."

*tongue in cheek*

"really now? I guess we need to watch some wonder woman." - Me

"who?"

"ok how about storm from xmen!" -Me

"uhhhhhh...."

Wow.. This comic book character nerd of a mom has a big F stamped on her head. Lol

Hope this put a smile on your face today like it did mine! :)

Happiness in a dream

Children.
They are a gift. A gift you love, protect and make sacrifices for.

Being a mother is never a right. It is a privilege. A privilege to carry them, protect them, love them, teach them to respect and show care and to give up your own dreams to make sure theirs take form.

Being a father isn't based on what's YOURS. Or what you control. It is based on what you are willing to do for your children, change for your children, to be there for your children and how you love your children. Your children are not given to you to control. They are given to you to raise and show how to live a better life than even you do yourself. To care for others and to have a loving heart.

A parent always wants better for their children than they had for themselves.

I grew up in a home where my parents would tell me
"you can be anything you want to be"
"Fairytales do exist prince charming is out there"
"I love you as big as the sky and only Jesus loves you more"

Needless to say I had a pretty amazing childhood. But still my desire for my children is for theirs to be BETTER.

I want my children to reach for the stars and know that they are never out of their reach.

If my daughter wants to be a lawyer, you bet I'll buckle up and stand beside her study the terms and help her soar. Her mind is going to be something worth reckoning with.

If my oldest boy wants to be a famous athlete I will stand on the sidelines at every game and cheer him on win or lose because he will always be a winner to me.

If my youngest son wants to be a musician. I will stand backstage and watch my boy shine. His presence demands attention.

If they want to work in call centers, in a box factory, as a bus driver I will ask them daily about the things that made them smile.

I have three dreams. Yes, three.

My children's dreams.

What they hope for and wish for.

What they will work for and achieve.

Not a single thing will be out of their reach because mommy will always be standing behind them, reminding them how incredibly remarkable they are.

No matter how big or how small their dreams, my children will be phenomenal.

Because all I want for them is one thing.

Their happiness.